What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 13:18
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
How can you know if they are your twin flame and not limerence or obsession?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
How does gut health affect mental well-being?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
(And it was in our own minds.)
What is something brutally honest that needs to be said?
One cannot live in the past .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i do to all so called friends.?
What is it that gives a man who is a submissive cock sucker his most pleasure?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Are you able to lie, even though you have Aspergers?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
How did you react when your doctor ordered a colonoscopy?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
What is so great about Jiraiya?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it wasn’t much.
Why is digital marketing important?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Does being poor build better character than being born rich?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He resisted the act ,that day.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But, we were locked up after school.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
So, i spoilt her more .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was seconnd youngest,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She loved him until the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When she asked me how she looked .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
This is soul school!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We all went to grammer schools
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I will be 64.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He knew the spot.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
All the time i was locked up.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Comes on , in middle age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What did i know ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was 9 years of age.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im still living with it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Ive learnt so much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was in good health!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I waited trembling.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.